Shadow of Doubt

"This is all just such bullshit," I said to Kevin last night.

"What's wrong?" he replied, thinking that something else wrong was going on with me.

"Nothing, except for going through all this.  It's just such a pain.  I never thought I'd be having to do a form of radiation when we first discovered the tumor in January.  Never crossed my mind.

I had my third treatment today, and it went smoothly.  The second treatment I had took forever because they couldn't get me lined up correctly.  I was in that damn mask for about 45 minutes.  And it was annoying.

Everyone at MPRI is fantastic, efficient, and compassionate.  It's too bad that I look forward to the day that I don't have to see them again.  3 treatments down.  30 to go.  

I'm counting down the days until I lose my hair permanently.  Then I'm counting down the days until I'm done.  The treatments themselves aren't bad, but about 45 minutes after, I start to get a mild headache.  And a huge patch on my right side feels like it's getting sunburned.  And it's only going to get worse.  It's going to get really, really uncomfortable.  And I still don't know exactly where the hair loss will occur.  I got three different answers from three different people.  But if the burning on my scalp is any indication, it will probably be right above my right ear.

That's makes me question whether I should have done proton beam right away or waited out to see what happens.  But with a 60% chance of reccurance, I know that it's the right thing to do.  At least that's what I'm telling myself today.